his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
