I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
