I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
