I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
