Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
