i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
