I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
