Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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