My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
