I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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