You smell like stripper and shame
accomplished twins. life is a go
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
