Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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