Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
