Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
