well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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