A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
