There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She's the barista slut.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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