So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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