Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
