he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
