omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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