I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
