i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
