I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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