Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish you could order shots online.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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