Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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