But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There are leaves in my underwear?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
