After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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