The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
