Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
