we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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