So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
