I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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