my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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