I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
