We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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