Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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