you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
