Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
