she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
