are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
