you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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