She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
