I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
