I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
