Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
