Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
someone owes me an orgasm
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize