everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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