The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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