I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
