You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
