i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you win again, gameday.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
