It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
