i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
