Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
