Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
