Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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