I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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