96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
