I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
