if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
