All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
