Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize