It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
