i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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